The Book of Evil (short story)

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The Book of Evil was a Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids extra written by Lupan Evezan and illustrated by Aristide Twain, featuring in-universe profiles of the series' villains introduced thus far. Originally released on Halloween in 2019, it was updated twice with new content: on January 13th, 2020 with an entry for Doctor Curious (and an update to Darius's), and on June 28th, 2020 with an entry for the Detraxxi.

Contents

Plot

Over the course of their travels in the Multiverse, the Copper-Colored Cupids have encountered many villains — and have compiled a Book of Evil including profiles of some of them. Technician-042 and Bibliophile-962 have now digitized “an excerpt” which can now be perused online.

The first entry concerns Director Darius, recounting his origins as “one of the strangely mutated creatures created by Professor Scarper” and his subsequent career as Head Assistant Researcher of the Drove of the Database-Compiling Dromedaries. His attempt theft of all the Department of Documentation, following his abduction of a Cupid whose name eludes the writer, is the reason Bibliophile decided to make him the subject of the book's very first entry, “a spot perhaps more richly deserved by the Gang of the Green Gorilla”. Updates to the book also recount how, after his encounter with Tracker-764, he was rescued from the Interdimensional Tavern by “a lonely (and evil) scientist” and, having crashed on a snowy mountain, enacted a failed scheme to get revenge on all his enemies. Last seen being thrown into a dimensional rift by said enemy, Darius is probably still out there plotting against the Cupids; “all Cupids are warned to keep an eye out for him – and if they see him, try to quickly don a disguise. Tracker tells us that Darius is easily fooled by disguises”.

The next entry describes the Gang of the Green Gorilla, which it describes as “the Official Arch-Nemeses of the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids”. Justifying this status, the entry stresses the seemingly-slow-witted Gorillas' ability to easily whip up a variety of gadgets such as their Brain-Washing Machine and, “more recently, the Cupid Sandwich Stealer, designed to steal the sandwich of any passing Cupid” (apparently a “response” to the Cupids' own creation of the Gorilla Fur Dyer). Indeed, according to the entry, the origin of the Cupids' active enmity with the Gorillas, whom they might otherwise have elected to simply ignore as a background nuisance, was their invention of the Cupid Love Reverser which they use to reverse the effects of Cupid romanticisation.

Next is an entry on the Mélange of the Mauve Muskrat, outlining the frustrating circumstances of the Cupids' first and, thus far, only contact with the capitalistic rodents. The end of the entry specifies that “Cupids are advised to romanticise any Muskrat they see – although they have unfortunately moved headquarters, and we can’t find them”.

This is followed by an entry on Lord Thymon, which the Cupids “started before Thymon's romantification” and threw in anyway, with a foreword and afterword explaining the situation and apologising to Thymon for including him, because it “seem[ed] a shame to just throw it out”.

The Queen of the Black Market is next, with a lengthy entry describing her and her Interdimensional Black Market and outlining the potential threat she represents. She is not currently an active enemy of the Crew but the Cupids fear this may change as a result of the Crew recently ratifying the addition of the Black Market to their list of potential destinations for romanticisation missions. With the Queen having proven to be a “powerful being” during the possession incident, however, Cupids sent on the Black Market are advised against trying to romanticise the Queen herself.

The entry on the Wellsians goes over the history of their invasion of Earth in the 97th Cosmos and Mandragora's Great Experiment, ending with a warning that “because of their newfound interdimensional travelling capabilities, the Wellsians could show up anywhere in the Multiverse”, with Cupids being asked to report any sightings to the Parliament. A note is also made of the fact that in addition to the five escaped Wellsian survivors, “there is thought to be one more Wellsian; the former Emperor of Wellsia, who was left behind by mistake when the Wellsians first left for Earth”, who, “if he is still there” is likely “very upset with the rest of the Wellsian race [by now]”.

The following entry, on “Blinkie and the Imps”, is crossed out like Thymon's in light of their romanticisation, but it is noted that they “could still pose a threat because “the Land of Oz is a strange place, and something could eventually occur there which might, most terribly, bring back their old evil ways”.

The entry on the Faction of the Fooling Fish is brief and frustrated in tone because the Cupids do not currently know much about the Fooling Fish, save that “splatting cream pies in faces, attaching kick-me signs to backs, and stealing baked goods off of windowsills are just a few examples of the type of treachery these fishy fiends get up to”, and that they were allegedly founded by a man called Archibald Fishflipper.

It is followed by an entry on the Great Ghost, which recalls how this “particularly powerful spirit” forced Frankenstein-818 to create “a device which would allow all of the spirits in the Spirit Realm to escape”, planning to then take control of this infinite army and conquer the Multiverse. Although his plan was defeated and the Ghost was banished to parts unknown by the Queen of the Black Market, the Crew “may not have seen the last of it yet, if Pythagoras's instincts are to be trusted”.

The entry on the Drove of the Demesmaekerite-Dyed Discordias reveals their leader's full name to be Eris Hatenell but is scant on information on the whole, as the Cupids have preferred to keep out of their equal-and-opposites' way rather than antagonise them overtly, following their first and only encounter; “the Cupid Parliament has no intention of attacking the Discordias”, although “the Scarlet Wings are advised to be on alert at all times for a possible Discordia attack on the Homeworld” (despite the uncertainty as to whether the Discordias even know where it is).

The next entry is one which was inserted by an interloper rather than a Cupid: a villain identified only as “???”, their illustration a mere silhouette of a man wearing a cloak and a capotain hat. The entity's message gloats that “you don’t know me yet. But you will. Oh, you will. Prepare yourself, Cupids. My hate is inescapable”. On the grounds that it's worth keeping an eye on and “adds a bit of evil flavour to the book”, Bibliophile elects to keep it in.

Mandragora-257's entry is next, and marked as “Believed Deceased”, with his death on Morningstar 1 having been “reported by the Department of Obituaries”. The file notes Pythagoras-858's insistent hunch that he is still out there, but does not seem to lend it much credence.

It is followed by another entry on a renegade Cupid (“dreadful, isn't it?”), Governor-105, describing the circumstances of his death during the same events, and ending with the statement that the archivists are “happy to report that in this case at least, Pythagoras-848 has not attempted to convince [them] of his survival”.

Next are the Collective of the Retconning Crocodiles, described as “so-called ‘quantum reptiles’” who seem to be more of an annoyance than a clear enemy at the moment, as they keep showing up on the Cupid Homeworld insisting that they are the Cupids' trusted allies at some point in the Cupids' own future. The Cupids find themselves unable to verify this “until the Department of Chronology manages to straighten out the Homeworld’s timestream enough to permit us to travel up and down our own History”. As the only apparent Scarper-created Strangely-Colored Secret Society with the power to traverse dimension, and time-active individuals capable of potentially wiping out the Crew from history, they do make the Cupids leery despite their skin-deep friendliness.

The final message in the digitised Book restates that the digital version is only an “excerpt” from the Book of Evil: “we can’t show you the whole thing, of course; we can’t let all of our enemies be known”. It also advises people who “spot any of the villains listed herein” to “please report them to the Parliament” – although they stress that this does not apply to the redeemed ones, particularly Thymon, whom people keep reporting anyway to his increasing annoyance.

Worldbuilding

Universes

Other

Continuity

Behind the scenes

Read online

The story can be read for free on the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids website.

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