The Winter Quests (novel)
The Winter Quests was a novel in the The Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids series, cowritten by Aristide Twain and Lupan Evezan. It served as the series' 2021 winter special.
As was customary for such a special, many characters and settings from previous installments of the series were thrown together into a Yuletide plot. This included a prominent supporting role for Jenny Everywhere.
Contents
Plot
Chapter 1
Although it's late December, Juliet-178 and Pythagoras-858 are called by the Supreme Quaestor to his office on the top floor of the C.I.I. Headquarters, where the Quaestor wordlessly hands Pythagoras a piece of paper describing an assigment, prompting him to whisk Juliet off to his Fog Ship and from there to a snowy forest in Finland. As they traipse through the snow, eventually making their way to a clearing with a stone in the centre, Pythe explains to Juliet that they are set to meet a goddess of the Norse pantheon to discuss a bargain between her and the Crew, to acquire an item which she is auctioning off and which the Crew are quite anxious that some of its enemies (like the Collective of the Retconning Crocodiles) not get their hands on. Juliet is needed because it is likely the goddess will send the Cupids on a mythical quest to prove their worth. Pythe eventually realises that the stone he's been sitting on is in fact a Rune Stone.
Chapter 2
CS-NA, or “Cesse”, a ship-building robot whom the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids took in a long time ago, reflects on the patterns of the lives of the Clockwork Cherubs and events in the Cupid Homeworld. He notes a trend of the Cupids' adventures having gotten higher-scale and more dangerous over the last few years. Fearing that this will impact their holidays despite Celebration-665's best efforts, he resolves to “Save Christmas” as thanks for how kind the Cupids have always been to him.
Chapter 3
After examining the Rune Stone, Pythe presses a hand onto the stone in an area that seems to be meant for the purpose. This activates the stone's magic, and it quickly explodes into a bank of magical fog with the goddess at the centre of it. Pythe begins talking to her deferentially, but soon Juliet-178 cannot stop herself from involving herself in the conversation, which takes a livelier turn. The goddess, at any rate, explains that she is considering the Crew's proposition, but does indeed want Pythe and Juliet to prove themselves by going on a quest to “slay a certain wyrm and recover a certain 'serpent'”. Juliet is overjoyed.
Chapter 4
CS-NA, having determined that he needs to go out into the Multiverse to get a real sense of what Christmas is all about so as to be in a position to set up the best Christmas ever for the Cupids, visits the Celestial Foam Network to ask Doctor Sigma for the use of a Fog Ship. Sigma, whom Cesse finds in the process of repairing Rosen-035's Dimensional Monocle, gives him a personal dematerialisation circuit that can be plugged directly into his own systems, with no need of a ship. Setting random coordinates, CS-NA leaves on his adventure.
Chapter 5
After the goddess leaves them in a flash of light, Pythagoras-858 and Juliet-178 decide to get themselves lost further into the woods, until the magic of the old trees leads them out of the mundane Finnish woods and into “the Forest”. Once there, they find their way to a clearing with a small waterfall tumbling off a large stone. Guessing that there must be a secret cavern behind the waterfall, Juliet hops in, only to find that while she was right, the cavern in question is not the “secret gateway into the World Below” that they're looking for, but rather the burrow of a Scandinavian Troll.
Chapter 6
CS-NA ends up at the Interdimensional Soda Jerkery, where he orders a root-beer float from the soda jerk without much idea of how a being like himself might consume it. He bumps into an uncharacteristically depressed Alistair Neezley. With CS-NA getting it across that he's looking for ways to learn more about Christmas, the two head back to the Tavern together in Neezley's Void Ship, as Neelzey knows the staff are setting up the Tavern's annual party. On the way, when Neezley explains that he's feeling down because he has come to realise that his acquaintances at the Interdimensional Tavern don't like him and find his tall tales annoying, CS-NA decides to let him tell him one of his stories without interruption, which successfully cheers him up. Neezley also suggests that CS-NA start tapping Morse code as a way to communicate more precisely than with his visual holograms. At the Tavern, Tpxszum and SERIAL CODE 000000234 reassure Neelzey that they do like him, and, indeed, have a Christmas gift picked out for him. Looking back over these events, CS-NA, as he moves on to the next random destination, decides that this has taught him about one key “element of holiday joy”: kindness.
Chapter 7
After Pythagoras-858 jumps after Juliet-178 into the Troll's cave, the three of them somehow end up teleporting to the Interdimensional Tavern, where they are greeted by Tpxszum, whom Juliet greets as an old friend. As introductions continue, the Troll gives his name as Tero Trollgarsson, and Juliet explains how she transported him, Pythe and herself to the Tavern: using a flawed, experimental Dematerialisation Engine similar to the one Doctor Sigma gave CS-NA, which she filched from Sigma's lab. When Tpxszum asks if they'd like to order anything, they find themselves invited to a table by a mysterious old man.
Chapter 8
CS-NA arrives in the outsized Workshop of Madame Tarsa and is immediately picked up and noticed by the Toymaker herself, who examines him alongside her son, Joybuzzer, trying to figure out what kind of toy he is and which of them made him. Realising he is in fact a visitor and alive, she shrinks herself and Joybuzzer down to a size in scale with Cesse's own, allowing Cesse to explain himself, conveying that he is a friend of the Copper-Colored Cupids and that he wants to learn more about holiday spirit. Tarsa agrees to let him hang around her and Joybuzzer. Cesse is initially unenthused as he watches the mother and son working on wrapping up presents, but things get more exciting when the Frost King magically enters the Workshop, having invited himself to the holiday celebrations, and (thinking CS-NA to be a pest or interloper) freezes him in a block of ice. Tarsa is less than pleased about this development, unlike Joybuzzer, who greets him enthusiastically as his “Uncle Frost”.
After Tarsa gets him to unfreeze Cesse, the King further meddles by suggesting that they go out and look for a real Christmas tree, an idea with which Tarsa is not especially taken, but to which she acquiesces to please Joybuzzer. The King uses his powers to transport the four of them to another universe, to a small patch of evergreens on a mountaintop. While Tarsa, the Frost King and the Clown discuss their choice of tree, Cesse, who is not familiar with snow, tries to test out the terrain and ends up falling into the snow and snowballing down the slope until Joybuzzer catches him. They descend from the mountaintop and, reaching the snowy valley, the “family” of Tarsa, Joybuzzer and the King get into a playful magic-aided snowball fight.
After the mother and son handily trounce the King, they all return to the Workshop to decorate their tree together. Cesse decides that all of this has taught him that “family” is an essential element of holiday spirit, leading him to the conclusion that the Crew ought to have one big party instead of a lot of lonelier small ones. Inputting random coordinates into his Dematerialisation Engine once again, he departs for another unknown location after thanking Tarsa's family and saying goodbye.
Chapter 9
Watching the old man who invited them for drinks closely, Pythagoras-858 comes to the conclusion that he is Odin, and tries to tell Juliet-178. She has noticed as well, however, and loudly makes it known, showing no awareness that Odin is trying to remain incognito. The God doesn't take offence at that much, but does seemingly become angered when Juliet makes a comment that seems insensitive when speaking to a one-eyed man; however, it becomes clear Odin is simply having them on when he makes his “divine punishment” a simple request that the Cherubs pay for the drinks instead of him because he's forgotten his wallet. Not having any money either, Juliet prevails on Tpxszum, promising a future favour in exchange. Soon enough, the four all enjoy their drinks, and Odin explains that he is meeting them in the Interdimensional Tavern, outside “the mortal universe”, as a loophole to be able to influence an evil plot afoot. He speaks a prophecy to them before leaving, giving them a final piece of advice: to stick with the Troll, irritating though he is. He notably does not leave the Troll himself a choice in the matter, to the latter's annoyance.
Chapter 10
CS-NA lands in a new realm inside a sleigh pulled by a caribou-like creature. The occupants of the sleigh are Century Smith and Briar, who make sure he isn't a Mechamite. Smith realises that CS-NA's beeping noises are Subcinctan Audial Code, with which he is familiar. He then explains that although they were trying to enjoy a vacation, they've been having to deal with a confluence of cyborg species of all stripes competing for the title of Supreme Cyborg, to be bestowed by Cybele. The three arrive in the closest village in time to witness the landing of an alien ship and the arrival of six mechanical beings looking comically similar to macarons, and who introduce themselves as the fearsome Mecharons. After some chasing and fleeing, CS-NA realises that he can use his binary beeping to try and disrupt the Mecharons' control centres. This does not instantly work, but after sneaking onto the Mecharon ship, he is able to extract their weakness (positive emotions) from the computer; broadcasting sheer joy in binary, he forces all the Mecharon soldiers to deactivate themselves to evade the emotional display, and the leader has them all retreat aboard the ship. With the day saved, Smith and Briar prepare to join the celebration with the villagers, but CS-NA once more declines to join.
Worldbuilding
Jenny
- According to Tpxszum, on one occasion (which did not involve any of the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids), Jenny Everywhere saved Volensholagoz's life as well as the Interdimensional Tavern itself.
Universes
- The story begins in the Cupid Homeworld.
- Pythagoras-858 and Juliet-178 travel to Finland in the Prime Universe. Lore about the Forest is revealed.
- The Interdimensional Soda Jerkery and Interdimensional Tavern, both existing in an aspect of the Void Between Worlds, are seen.
- Within his probably-spurious story, Alistair Neezley mentions the Witching Realm.
- CS-NA ends up in the Workshop of Madame Tarsa.
- He travels, alongside Madame Tarsa herself and family, to another, seeming-mundane universe.
- The Frost King mentions that it “gets lonely in the Spirit Realm, especially of late”.
- CS-NA, Century Smith and Briar visit the Frost King's Realm.
Other
- Helsinki is a city in Finland.
- Juliet-178 reminds Pythagoras-858 that if necessary, they both have access to “hard-light human disguises”.
- The Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids' Departments are subdivisions of the Cupid Intelligence Institute. They include the Department of Wizardry.
- On a past occasion, Aphrodite turned Valerius-1497 into a parakeet.
- Valkyries are a group of Norse deities who ride winged horses.
- Wagner wrote Ride of the Valkyries.
- Clockwork Cherubs were constructed to be incapable of romantic love.
- Rosen-035's Rift-detecting Dimensional Monocle has a thingumawhizzleometer set in its square frame. It also contains a rift-wave adder-upper, which is in need of repairs, making the whole device non-functional in the meantime.
- Languages which Alistair Neezley understands without his universal translator include Yrevenzianese, Skidoorphellian and Spider Latin.
- The full name of the Interdimensional Soda Jerkery is Galanmahogan's Jerkery, Drugstore, and Fizz-Rebizzler.
- The soda jerk studied Interdimensional Language at the Interdimensional University.
- Drinks served at the Interdimensional Soda Jerkery include Urgleburp Cola and standard root-bear foloats.
- According to Alistair Neezley, skribellphians have “glorks for hand” as a matter of public record. His story also mentions the Neptunian Star Patrol.
- Neezley lives in a parking garage, despite his claims of owning “a twelve-story manorhouse with a dinosaur butler”.
- One of Neelzey's most oft-retold stories involved him substituting for the Ghost of Christmas Past and saving “a sentient polar bear's immortal soul”.
- The Quasi-spiraled Moonduster is a drink served at the Interdimensional Tavern.
- Madame Tarsa has created a Marvelous Make-Your-Own Holiday-At-Home Playset (“Patent Pending”), but has yet to “iron out” a “little glitch” that adds a human sacrifice into every celebration.
- The Christmas Toyland is “busy with the annual Ribbon Harvest”.
- Tarsa claims to have “giga-annums” of experience wrapping up Christmas presents.
- The Council once called Madame Tarsa in to solve a problem relating to the Miniature Mahoganies after the Frost King accidentally destroyed their village in a game of Cosmic Foosball.
- Tarsa owns a “CROWBAR [for trees]™”.
- The Frost King was once trapped by a wraith-wyvern, and Tarsa had to come and save him.
- The Frost King also once “sparred” with a fire-titan on who should pay the bill after the two had lunch, with the King maintaining the titan should because they had burned up the tablecloth.
- The week before the story, Joybuzzer visited the Toymaker's Labyrinth to visit some of his “siblings” and ended up in a fight with a plastic minotaur.
- Pythe briefly raises his Electromagnetic Ankh against Odin, although he “isn't especially sure what an Electromagnetic Ankh could even do to an ancient Norse God”.
- The Great Goddess Cybele has become the “Multiversal Overseer of All Cybernetic Life”.
- Species competing for the position of Supreme Cyborg encountered by Century Smith and Briar include the Mecharons, the Mechamites, the Electrons, the Detraxxi and “even that nasty lot from the Third Universe”.
- People in the Frost King's Realm celebrate a holiday called Raenn.
- Smith and Briar ran into cyborgs at the Multiversal Waffle House, the Interdimensional Gift Shop and even the “Gnome Place”, which they only visited by accident in the first place.
- Smith curses “by Evaari!”.
Continuity
- Juliet-178 has noticed that “supernatural happenstances seem to have a way of occurring around the New Year”, a reference to the series' yearly winter multi-part serials, including the previous year's PROSE: The Time of the Toymaker. The Decade Stone, also referenced in PROSE: The Case Against Conspiracy, is additionally mentioned as an example of this.
- CS-NA recollects how the previous year's Christmas adventure for the Cupids involved “a Christmastime jaunt to save a god-like being”, alluding to the main plot of PROSE: The Time of the Toymaker.
- Reference is made to Neezley having painted a mural at the Interdimensional Tavern, as shown in PROSE: The Time of the Toymaker.
- Tpxszum recognises Pythagoras-858 as a former companion of Jenny Everywhere. His meeting with Jenny was depicted in COMIC: Jenny Everywhere Meets The Crew Of The Copper-Colored Cupids, and the two were seen travelling together in PROSE: The Grand Multiverse Hotel.
Behind the scenes
Read online
This story is available online on the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids website.
