The Winter Quests (short story)

The Winter Quests was a novel in the The Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids series, cowritten by Aristide Twain and Lupan Evezan. It served as the series' 2021 winter special.

As was customary for such a special, many characters and settings from previous installments of the series were thrown together into a Yuletide plot. This included a prominent supporting role for Jenny Everywhere.

Although it's late December, Juliet-178 and Pythagoras-858 are called by the Supreme Quaestor to his office on the top floor of the C.I.I. Headquarters, where the Quaestor wordlessly hands Pythagoras a piece of paper describing an assigment, prompting him to whisk Juliet off to his Fog Ship and from there to a snowy forest in Finland. As they traipse through the snow, eventually making their way to a clearing with a stone in the centre, Pythe explains to Juliet that they are set to meet a goddess of the Norse pantheon to discuss a bargain between her and the Crew, to acquire an item which she is auctioning off and which the Crew are quite anxious that some of its enemies (like the Collective of the Retconning Crocodiles) not get their hands on. Juliet is needed because it is likely the goddess will send the Cupids on a mythical quest to prove their worth. Pythe eventually realises that the stone he's been sitting on is in fact a Rune Stone.

Chapter 2

CS-NA, or “Cesse”, a ship-building robot whom the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids took in a long time ago, reflects on the patterns of the lives of the Clockwork Cherubs and events in the Cupid Homeworld. He notes a trend of the Cupids' adventures having gotten higher-scale and more dangerous over the last few years. Fearing that this will impact their holidays despite Celebration-665's best efforts, he resolves to “Save Christmas” as thanks for how kind the Cupids have always been to him.

Chapter 3

After examining the Rune Stone, Pythe presses a hand onto the stone in an area that seems to be meant for the purpose. This activates the stone's magic, and it quickly explodes into a bank of magical fog with the goddess at the centre of it. Pythe begins talking to her deferentially, but soon Juliet-178 cannot stop herself from involving herself in the conversation, which takes a livelier turn. The goddess, at any rate, explains that she is considering the Crew's proposition, but does indeed want Pythe and Juliet to prove themselves by going on a quest to “slay a certain wyrm and recover a certain 'serpent'”. Juliet is overjoyed.

Chapter 4

CS-NA, having determined that he needs to go out into the Multiverse to get a real sense of what Christmas is all about so as to be in a position to set up the best Christmas ever for the Cupids, visits the Celestial Foam Network to ask Doctor Sigma for the use of a Fog Ship. Sigma, whom Cesse finds in the process of repairing Rosen-035's Dimensional Monocle, gives him a personal dematerialisation circuit that can be plugged directly into his own systems, with no need of a ship. Setting random coordinates, CS-NA leaves on his adventure.

Chapter 5

After the goddess leaves them in a flash of light, Pythagoras-858 and Juliet-178 decide to get themselves lost further into the woods, until the magic of the old trees leads them out of the mundane Finnish woods and into “the Forest”. Once there, they find their way to a clearing with a small waterfall tumbling off a large stone. Guessing that there must be a secret cavern behind the waterfall, Juliet hops in, only to find that while she was right, the cavern in question is not the “secret gateway into the World Below” that they're looking for, but rather the burrow of a Scandinavian Troll.

Chapter 6

CS-NA ends up at the Interdimensional Soda Jerkery, where he orders a root-beer float from the soda jerk without much idea of how a being like himself might consume it. He bumps into an uncharacteristically depressed Alistair Neezley. With CS-NA getting it across that he's looking for ways to learn more about Christmas, the two head back to the Tavern together in Neezley's Void Ship, as Neelzey knows the staff are setting up the Tavern's annual party. On the way, when Neezley explains that he's feeling down because he has come to realise that his acquaintances at the Interdimensional Tavern don't like him and find his tall tales annoying, CS-NA decides to let him tell him one of his stories without interruption, which successfully cheers him up. Neezley also suggests that CS-NA start tapping Morse code as a way to communicate more precisely than with his visual holograms. At the Tavern, Tpxszum and SERIAL CODE 000000234 reassure Neelzey that they do like him, and, indeed, have a Christmas gift picked out for him. Looking back over these events, CS-NA, as he moves on to the next random destination, decides that this has taught him about one key “element of holiday joy”: kindness.

Worldbuilding

Jenny

to be written

Universes

The story begins in the Cupid Homeworld.
Pythagoras-858 and Juliet-178 travel to Finland in the Prime Universe. Lore about the Forest is revealed.
The Interdimensional Soda Jerkery and Interdimensional Tavern, both existing in an aspect of the Void Between Worlds, are seen.
Within his probably-spurious story, Alistair Neezley mentions the Witching Realm.

Other

Helsinki is a city in Finland.
Juliet-178 reminds Pythagoras-858 that if necessary, they both have access to “hard-light human disguises”.
The Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids' Departments are subdivisions of the Cupid Intelligence Institute. They include the Department of Wizardry.
On a past occasion, Aphrodite turned Valerius-1497 into a parakeet.
Valkyries are a group of Norse deities who ride winged horses.
Wagner wrote Ride of the Valkyries.
Clockwork Cherubs were constructed to be incapable of romantic love.
Rosen-035's Rift-detecting Dimensional Monocle has a thingumawhizzleometer set in its square frame. It also contains a rift-wave adder-upper, which is in need of repairs, making the whole device non-functional in the meantime.
Languages which Alistair Neezley understands without his universal translator include Yrevenzianese, Skidoorphellian and Spider Latin.
The full name of the Interdimensional Soda Jerkery is Galanmahogan's Jerkery, Drugstore, and Fizz-Rebizzler.
The soda jerk studied Interdimensional Language at the Interdimensional University.
Drinks served at the Interdimensional Soda Jerkery include Urgleburp Cola and standard root-bear foloats.
According to Alistair Neezley, skribellphians have “glorks for hand” as a matter of public record. His story also mentions the Neptunian Star Patrol.
Neezley lives in a parking garage, despite his claims of owning “a twelve-story manorhouse with a dinosaur butler”.
One of Neelzey's most oft-retold stories involved him substituting for the Ghost of Christmas Past and saving “a sentient polar bear's immortal soul”.

Continuity

Juliet-178 has noticed that “supernatural happenstances seem to have a way of occurring around the New Year”, a reference to the series' yearly winter multi-part serials, including the previous year's PROSE: The Time of the Toymaker. The Decade Stone, also referenced in PROSE: The Case Against Conspiracy, is additionally mentioned as an example of this.
CS-NA recollects how the previous year's Christmas adventure for the Cupids involved “a Christmastime jaunt to save a god-like being”, alluding to the main plot of PROSE: The Time of the Toymaker.
Reference is made to Neezley having painted a mural at the Interdimensional Tavern, as shown in PROSE: The Time of the Toymaker.

Behind the scenes

Read online

This story is available online on the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids website.