The Salamandyrs and the Automata (short story)

Cupid Fact File #624 relates the intertwined histories of the Order of the Automata and the Imperial Salamandyr Army. They begin in the mid-20th century of the Prime Universe, in the laboratory of Professor Scarper of the First Horde. Having recently presented his project of creating “an army of mutated animals” to serve the Horde, Scarper has been given a limited budget and a short span of time in which to create a proof-of-concept. To do so, he captures a dozen wild salamanders and rushes the mutation process, creating human-sized Salamandyrs whose morphology is highly unstable, reverting into their original form upon coming into contact with “a seemingly-random assortment of substances”, chiefly lavender — which is highly inconvenient to Scarper, who enjoys lighting lavender-scented candles as he works. Writing the Salamandyrs off as a failure, Scarper briefly tries experimenting on squirrels, then abandons this idea as well and realises he needs “what every mad scientist has: an assistant”.

He approaches another Horde scientist, none other than the future Creator of the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids; a “technological expert” who previously created the brainwashing devices used by the Horde, she agrees to build him a robot assistant in exchange for the formula to “a substance which could genetically override a subject’s brain and cause them to feel any pre-programmed emotion in immense quantities”. With the hurriedly-crafted robot's help, the Professor captures a couple of magpies, nicknaming them Mr Heckle and Dr Jeckle, and successfully mutates them into the first members of the future Mob of the Maroon Magpie; despite an unfortunate penchant for thievery, the Magpies are deemed enough of a success by Scarper's overseers to greenlight the wider project. Over the following months, the robot works with Scarper on the development of the Drove of the Database-Compiling Dromedaries (with “a small break on Thanksgiving to create a few turkeys”), but gradually develops a personality of his own, growing dissatisfied with Scarper's treatment of him as little more than a tool.

After Scarper refuses to mend his ways, the robot finally decides to escape, and is talked by the Salamandyrs into helping them escape as well. Adapting a “pet project” of his creator's, the robot builds a ramshackle Void Ship with which the group are able to escape not only out of the Horde's base, but out of the Prime Universe altogether; winding up at the Interdimensional Tavern, the Salamandyrs decide to steal better Void Ships from the parking lot, ignoring the robot's ethical qualms. Thus, they find their way to an uninhabited, swampy dimension which they decide to make their new home, dubbing it Salamandria. Between continued mistreatment from the Salamandyrs and the inhospitable nature of the humid environment to a mechanical being, the robot soon decides to run away again, “stealing” one of the Void Ships and flying it back to the Tavern, where he returns it to its owner.

After spending a while studying dimensional theory and ship-building, he begins building a fleet of better ships and founds the Order of the Automata, pledging his life to rescuing and assisting other mistreated robots like himself. As it grows, the Order soon finds an uninhabited dimension of its own and claims it under the name of Automatia. Meanwhile, however, the “self-appointed” Salamandyr Emperor grows increasingly dissatisfied with ruling just one dimension, and, creating a vast fleet of stolen Void Ships and scores of weapons, they begin attacking and sometimes conquering dimensions throughout the Multiverse. Eventually, they reach Automatia, precipitating the First Great Salamandyr War. The conflict drags on for multiple years, but after the Salamandyrs manage to destroy the founder-robot — now known as “the Ancient One” — in a sneak attack, the grieving Automata rally with renewed force and manage to drive the Salamandyrs back to Salamandyria, ending or at least curtailing their dreams of infinite conquest.

The Fact File note that there was a further encounter between the Salamandyrs and Automata some time later; “for those curious, it is recommended that one reads Incident Report C304B, concerning one Marksmanship-522's quest for a bit of peace and quiet”.

Worldbuilding

Universes

The Cupid Fact File is recorded within the Cupid Homeworld.
The Salamandyrs and Order of the Automata are shown to have originated in the Prime Universe.
For their first venture into the Void, they visit the Interdimensional Tavern in the Void.
Marksmanship is taken to Automatia, a dimension which has become the home by the Order of the Automata.
The Salamandyrs name their dimension Salamandria, and the Automata name theirs “Automatia”. The former, until the Salamandyrs' arrival, is described as having been “inhabited only by ordinary, non-anthropomorphic amphibians and just the sort of plants and insects [the Salamandyrs] enjoyed eating”.

Other

The events in the story that involve Professor Scarper are said to have taken place “before Scarper created the Pack of the Patriotic Platypus, before he engineered the Ennead of the Eigengrau Easter Eggs, before even the Gang of the Green Gorillas came into being”.
Substances which destabilise the Salamandyrs' DNA if they make direct skin-contact with them include “eggs, cinnamon, eucalyptus trees, soil from the Amazon rainforest, alum, demesmaekerite, toast crumbs (but not bread crumbs or, indeed, full slices of toast)”, and “lemon oil”.
The Ancient One's plan to return from the dead “all depended on whether robots had souls or not, and besides, it needed time to charge up”.

Continuity

The story gives further background on the Salamandyrs and the Order of the Automata, who had been introduced a few days prior in PROSE: Peace and Quiet. The story is linked to at the very end of the Fact File when the words “peace and quiet” are used, with its events being stated to be the topic of “Incident Report C304B”.
This story uses “Salamandria” as the proper name of the Salamandyr Dimension, while PROSE: Peace and Quiet uses “Salamandyria”.
The laboratory of Professor Scarper is described as “a place very familiar to avid readers of Cupid History”. It was revealed as the origin of most of the Strangely-Colored Secret Societies in PROSE: The Strangely-Colored Secret Societies.
The Fact File PROSE: The Green Gorillas is linked to when the Gang of the Green Gorilla is mentioned.
It is revealed that the Creator actually got the formula for the original Cupid Love Potion from Professor Scarper. PROSE: The Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids had previously shown that the Cupids believed her to have developed it by herself.
The Creator is said to not have yet succeeded in cracking “how to give her creations personalities”. PROSE: Genesis of the Cupids would later reveal how she discovered the method she used to properly create the Cupids.

Behind the scenes

Read online

The story can be read for free on the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids website.

Contents

Plot