The Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids in Oz (short story)
The Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids in Oz was a Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids short story written by Lupan Evezan and illustrated by Aristide Twain. It was a crossover with L. Fran Baum's Land of Oz mythos, featuring a version of Oz with respected the continuity of Baum's books except insofar as its history diverged from the canonical one as a result of the Cupids' interference.
Contents
Plot
Acquaintanceship-982 of the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids arrives in a Fog Ship to the Land of Oz of a Prime-adjacent universe, having been tasked with romanticising a hundred people in the Emerald City. Following the yellow path, he makes his way to the gate, where he notices a magnet hanging over the threshold and the Guardian of the Gates unsuccessfully tries to talk him into putting on a pair of goggles before he enters the city. When Acquaintanceship points out his clockwork nature, the Guardian becomes the first of multiple Ozites to assume that he must be somehow related to Tik-Tok, the Mechanical Man of Oz. Stepping out into the bustling streets of the City, Acquaintanceship has no time to shoot a Cupid Arrow at anyone before he is apprehended by General Omby Amby, who mistakes him from Tik-Tok outright and drags him “back” to the Emerald Palace, where he explains that people have been looking for him.
At the Palace, the General leaves Acquaintanceship with Jellia Jamb, telling her to take him to Ozma. Noting his lack of mustache, Jellia recognises that he's not Tik-Tok, but assuming he must be “a relative or something”, takes him to Ozma anyway, up a long flight of stairs. There, Acquaintanceship barely has time to be introduced to the tall girl with light hair and a golden circlet before another girl — Dorothy — runs in, announcing that she's found the real Tik-Tok. Ozma, who has convened many other Ozites, brushes past Acquaintanceship's attempts to explain who he is and what he wants, addressing the crowd to explain that she has called them all because a number of important artefacts of Oz have been stolen, including the Magic Belt, the Magic Picture, the Great Book of Records, and, most puzzlingly, three metal buttons which had been in the Wizard's possession, and whose origin the old man can't quite recall, feeling inchoately that they were somehow important even though they didn't possess any particular powers that he knew of. When Acquaintanceship finally gets through to the Ozites about his romanticisation mission, they blithely tell him that his arrows would be redundant, as the Shaggy Man's Love Magnet which hangs at the gate of the city already has similar effects. A put-out Acquaintanceship agrees to follow the Ozites in the hope that the mysterious thief, at least, will be worth romanticising.
The Ozites' plan was to use the Red Wagon, Ozma's royal carriage, to look for the thief, but this proves unworkable as they find it disassembled into a pile of boards. Flying acquaintances the Gump and Flipper (an Ork from Orkland) both decline to help, and Acquaintanceship ends up suggesting the use of his Fog Ship. Cramming as many Ozites as possible into the Ship, they take off, with Ozma handing Acquaintanceship a map of the Four Countries of Oz: Munchkin Country, Winkie Country, Quadling Country and Gillikin Country. Landing in Munchkin Country, they happen upon the living phonograph Victor Colombia Edison, a musical rival of the Patchwork Girl, limping along the Yellow Brick Road in rather bad shape. Vic explains that he has in fact seen the thieves, three creatures resembling beardless Nomes, who were heading for Quadling Country. With Vic joining the Fog Ship crew, they fly into the forest separating Munchkin Country from Quadling Country, where, trying to avoid a trio of kalidahs, they fall into the grasp of the Fighting Trees. The Tin Woodman is able to scare off the Trees, but the kalidahs take their chance to attack the Ozites, hopping onto the roof and forcing Acquaintanceship to go into a barrel roll to try and throw them off. After things settle, they finally spot the three mischief-makers, standing atop the nearby mountains of Jinxland, where the Scarecrow recalls that the Ozites previously fought an evil king and the witch Blinkie, whose powers were taken away.
Getting a closer look at the three thieves, the Wizard notices that one's belt is made of silver, the next of brass and the third of lead. This allows him to finally remember that the three “stolen” buttons were the transformed forms of the Imps Olite, Udent and Ertinent, who promptly explain, themselves, that they turned back to their true selves after the Wizard's years-old spell wore off, and sought out their “old master” — none other than the ex-Wicked Witch of the South herself, Blinkie. She explains that, after the imps brought her the Magic Belt, she used some of its power to make the Wizard forget about the buttons' origin, although she was only partially successful due to Glinda blocking the spell halfway through. She was also responsible for sending the three kalidahs after the Ozites, and has built up a huge stock of statues of imps, which she intends to bring to life using the Powder of Life, using the Belt to duplicate the single bottle she had the imps steal from the Crooked Man.
Hoping to romanticise her but needing her eyes off of him to take the shot, Acquaintanceship tells the Phonograph to distract Blinkie as he tries to loose an arrow at her. He misses by inches, with the arrow hitting the bottle of Powder instead, but it at least knocks the said bottle out of Blinkie's hands. Tik-Tok tells Acquaintanceship to escape in his Fog Ship with the bottle and destroy it while the Ozites stay behind to distract Blinkie, with Tik-Tok becoming the first to do so by rolling at her like a bowling-ball. Eventually, she overpowers the Ozites, turning them all into various other things or creatures, but, not having yet realised that her Powder is aboard Acquaintanceship's Fog Ship, she uses the Belt's power to remotely crash it into the forest. Only Dorothy manages to escape, but she doesn't know what to do.
All is not lost, however, as Acquaintanceship survived the crash unharmed. Having misunderstood the Powder's power, he sprinkles some of it onto his damaged Fog Ship hoping to reactivate it, and brings it to life; surprised, he drops the bottle and spills the rest of its contents on his bow and arrows, which accordingly come to life (with one of them instantly displaying a disagreeable personality). Helping the Ship fly itself back to Jinxland, Acquaintanceship orders the arrows to fire themselves at Blinkie while he keeps flying the Ship. They succeed, despite some last-minute strife between the Bow and the Disagreeable Arrow, and Blinkie has an instant change of heart, realising in a flash that people would never like her if she conquered Nonestica and apologising to Dorothy, to whom she gives the Magic Belt back. Dorothy advises her to make her changed feelings known to Ozma, so that Ozma can give her her magic back and make her “one of her royal magic-makers”.
Meanwhile, however, Acquaintanceship and the Ship have crashed into the woods again. They are first found by the Bow and Arrow, then by the Imps (who are romanticised by the former). Apologetic, the Imps make up for their mischief by repairing Acquaintanceship, with directions from Tik-Tok. With all's well that ends well, Ozma offers Acquaintanceship the chance to stay in Oz as a permanent resident, but he declines, intent on following his orders to return to the Cupid Homeworld. The Ship and Arrows, however, decide to stay behind, and are given their own rooms in the Palace. As such, it is using the power of the Magic Belt that Dorothy sends Acquaintanceship back home.
Back in the Homeworld, Acquaintanceship is reprimanded by Penalty-534 for only romanticising four people and for losing his bow, arrow and Fog Ship. With Acquaintanceship staying silent rather than explaining about the latter having come to life, Penalty immediately sends him on another mission — to an even madder place, known as Wonderland.
Worldbuilding
Universes
- The story principally takes place in a Prime-adjacent universe where a Baum-accurate version of the Land of Oz exists on Earth, secluded from the rest of the world by a magical barrier and the Deadly Desert.
- The epilogue takes place in the Cupid Homeworld.
Other
- Tik-Tok is known as “the Mechanical Man” of “the Clockwork Man”. The way his bodywork is designed to evoke a fancy jacket reminds Acquaintanceship-982 of Dandy-432's “signature look”.
- Ozma displays the ability to fly.
- Blinkie recalls how, “if she remembers her history correctly”, the Crooked Man's Powder of Life was used to animate “the Pumpkinhead, and the Sawhorse, and the Gump, and the Glass Cat, and the Patchwork Girl, and the Phonograph, and a bearskin rug”.
- Blinkie hopes to conquer not only the Land of Oz proper, but “the entire continent of Nonestica! All of Ozeria, in fact!”.
- Upon being romanticised, “Olite's belt buckle turned from tin to silver, Udent's turned from brass to gold, and Ertinent's turned from lead to aluminium”.
- Penalty-534 states that the Lan of Oz is home to a billion people.
Continuity
- The burlap sack running gag, last seen in PROSE: The Toymaker's Labyrinth, continues with Blinkie using the power of the Magic Belt to catch Toto in one when he tries to escape being transformed. The next instance would come in PROSE: Plagiarism of the SavageMen.
- Penalty-534 is implicitly a member of the Department of Discipline, previously mentioned in PROSE: The Labors of Juliet, PROSE: The Toymaker's Labyrinth and PROSE: The Cupid Suggestion Box. He would reappear in PROSE: Magic Trick, which established that he was not only a member of this Department, but its Prefect.
Behind the scenes
Read online
The story can be read for free on the Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids website.
