Kablamazon

Kablamazon
Group Information
Origin	925th Universe
Dissolved	2023
Type	E-commerce company
Leaders	Lord Grallyx
Members	Jenny Everywhere
Behind the Scenes
First seen in	PROSE: The Tribulations of Jenny Over-There
Also seen in	PROSE: A Series of Queer Events PROSE: A Very Jenny Over-There Christmas (mentioned) PROSE: Who Laws the Lawyers? (mentioned) PROSE: Annals of the Jen: One Year of Jenny Over-There PROSE: Set Up to Blow Up (mentioned)
Copyright	Callum Phillpott

Kablamazon was a company based in the home universe of Jenny Over-There.

Nature

Once described as a “glorious e-commerce website” (PROSE: Who Laws the Lawyers?) it was in fact “a multiversal dropshipping eCommerce website”, believed by its CEO to be “one of the biggest companies in the multiverse”. (PROSE: Annals of the Jen: One Year of Jenny Over-There: First-Class Delivery) It sold miscellaneous items online and was “very evil”, (PROSE: The Tribulations of Jenny Over-There) with its reclusive CEO actually being an incarnation of the demon Lord Grallyx. (PROSE: Annals of the Jen: One Year of Jenny Over-There: First-Class Delivery)

History

When Jenny Over-There's powers first manifested, “Kablamazon affiliates” were among the people who took an interest, but the Man in Grey was in the end the first to offer her direct monetary compensation for her talents, leading her to ignore the others.

Jenny Everywhere later got a job undercover as a Kablamazon delivery agent as part of a plan to make them go bankrupt. While undercover, she delivered a toaster to Jenny Over-There at the M.F.S. office. (PROSE: The Tribulations of Jenny Over-There)

The “rainbow capitalism” variant of Kablamazon's logo. (PROSE: A Series of Queer Events (2024 reedit))

Kablamazon was one of the ethically-dubious sponsors pursued by the Man in Grey for the 2022 Interdimensional Pride Parade. As expected, they treated it mostly as a cynical merchandising opportunity. One of their backhanded ads notably also presented similarly-cynical well wishes from the Kooba Cola Corporation; (PROSE: A Series of Queer Events) by a later account, at some point prior to Christmas 2022, Kablamazon had indeed been bought by the Kooba Cola Corporation. (PROSE: A Very Jenny Over-There Christmas) In another rotation of the Pride events, the Kablamazon ad was longer and doubled as an explicit announcement of the buyout, boasting that “this [would] help to maximise [Kablamazon's] profits by reducing company spending on Kooba Cola products (by virtue of owning every atom that goes into making it) and by splitting workers between Kooba factories and Kablamazon Warehouses, maximising efficiency!”. (PROSE: A Series of Queer Events (2024 reedit))

In December 2022, during Jenny Over-There's heart-to-heart with her cousin Marietta, a “schmaltzy” Kablamazon ad about a kid befriending a monster was playing on the TV set, and Jenny found herself relating it to her own situation. (PROSE: A Very Jenny Over-There Christmas (2024 reedit))

Though Jenny Everywhere initially meant to quickly get rid of the CEO, she got side-tracked for a number of months by such adventures as “the time she stole the Holy Dog Bowl from the Werewolf Priests of Mars, or that time she saved Doctor Omega from the Space Romans, or even that time she tried to have a conversation with Grant Farrel”, the latter being a so-called superhero apparently possessed by the vengeful spirit of the god Thor. (PROSE: Annals of the Jen: One Year of Jenny Over-There: First-Class Delivery)

When a version of Bunny Everyhare materialised in the 925th Universe, her appearance mimicked the closest Jenny Everywhere, this one. She was appalled to find she was consequently wearing a Kablamazon uniform. (PROSE: Who Laws the Lawyers?)

Eventually, Jenny finally put her plans into action when Kablamazon implemented a new policy as a response to complaints of low morale in their many factories across the UK: the installation of ominous black monoliths called Therapy Prisms, in which employees could come at their leisure to take a break from the alienation of their daily work to instead suffer the alienation of sitting in a confined, pitch-black space with a blinking red sign asking ‘ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?’. Jenny used her factory's Prism as a hiding place to “get around the guards brutally forcing the workers out of the warehouse once their shift changed” — and this factory happened the very one in which the CEO's office was located. Thus, after hours, Jenny finally made her way there, armed with a ray-gun which was not actually loaded, intent on using it for intimidation.

The CEO, who was none other than a version of Lord Grallyx, was unfazed by the surprise attack and began to gloat about knowing that Jenny wouldn't dare the trigger regardless, but Jenny anti-climactically took him out by surprise after all — by bonking him on the head with the grip of the ray-gun. Recalling that there was a bounty on Grallyx among Doctor Omega's people, she decided to take him there, wrapping him in a very large cardboard box for transfer as the liberated workers burst out into triumphant song around her. (PROSE: Annals of the Jen: One Year of Jenny Over-There: First-Class Delivery)

That there was a person at Kablamazon named Grallyx was part of a flimsy lie told by Miss Erehwon to Dynamite Thor, although she told him that Grallyx was attempting to take over the company, and mainly intended to turn Thor against the Kablamazon-employed Jenny, who she claimed was in cahoots with Grallyx. (PROSE: Set Up to Blow Up)

Behind the scenes

Kablamazon's name is a portmanteau of that of real-world company Amazon and of its sci-fi parody from Doctor Who, Kerblam.