The Strange and Wonderful House

The Strange and Wonderful House
a.k.a.	The House The Infinite House The Mansion
Location Information
Universe	Unnamed universe
Type	Living house
Gender	Female
Creator(s)	The Architect
Ruler(s)	Master of the House
Notable Inhabitants	See list
Behind the Scenes
First seen in	PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House
Also seen in	PROSE: Jenny Everywhere and the Nowhere Spiral
Copyright	CC-BY-SA

The Strange and Wonderful House, often referred to as simply the House, and also called the Infinite House or the Mansion, was a living house of mysterious origins whose interior encompassed an infinite number of rooms, many of them strange or supernatural. Jenny Everywhere was friends with the Architect of the House, and had an unusually good understanding of the nature of the House, which she visited in many incarnations, up to and including the day of the House's eventual destruction.

Description

Nature

One account suggested that the Strange and Wonderful House's peculiarities stemmed from the fact that it had been built on land that was once part of Faerie, using wood harvested there, such that “something of Faerie” had always lingered within it. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 2: Accursed Springs)) Some of the House's inhabitants perceived it as a “work of fiction” they had created as “writers”, which had somehow become real. This included the “modern” Master of the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 2: Accursed Springs), The Will of the Creator) However, Sid argued that this was a limiting perspective and the writers had not really created the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 2: Accursed Springs))

Inner structure

The House was infinite (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Welcome!) and home to many portals to and from other dimensions than the one where its original exterior happened to be located. In many cases, transit from one room to another was achieved through portals internal to the house, rather than more conventionally making one's way through the building. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House)

Its internal organisation was paradoxical, including such rooms as a “3rd floor basement”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Every House Needs One) Most rooms' actual relative positions within the House were “fluid”, with the exception of the Stationery Room which was always located at the exact halfway point between the Master Bedroom and the Gatehouse. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stationery Room) Some rooms were incalculably larger on the inside than normal, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Coat Room) sometimes containing entire biomes, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Catamaran Loos of Oceania) and some changed appearance based on the observer. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Coat Room, The Dining Room)

Time was also “flexible” within the House and its domains, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens (Part 2)) with it being possible to move back and forth in time when one moved between rooms; for example, when nipping out of a party in the aforementioned 3rd floor basement to go to the men's rooms, Rennik described the party as being held “last Thursday”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Every House Needs One) It seemed to be possible for locations to simultaneously exist on their own and as part of the House: according to Sid, a particular location where “thick stalks of bamboo” each stood “without uniformity” in “pools of stagnant water” existed simultaneously in China, in Japan, and in the Gardens of the House, “depending on your perspective”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 2: Accursed Springs))

Some rooms could only be entered by specific people or groups of people, including the Stationery Room, limited to the Master of the House and his guests, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stationery Room) and the Jenny Everywhere Museum, limited to incarnations of Jenny Everywhere and their companions. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Jenny Everywhere Museum)

Sentience

The House was sentient, with a definite personality of its own. It enjoyed having its residents upgrade its interior, and had the ability to manipulate its own interior to a degree to facilitate their work. For example, when the lawn gnomes began work to graft the Great Glass Elevator into the House to supplement the Stairwell, it began to make various doorways throughout the House open into as-yet-empty elevator shafts. “Buzzing with excitement and creaking with worry, lurching, stretching, and then settling”, the House's active mood was noticed by the residents, who were forced to hold a “continuous seance” on the 7th floor in order to “keep spirits and demons out of closets and cupboards”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Elevator) The House sometimes made specific requests of its inhabitants, but it quickly learned that asking the Artifectors anything was pointless: “requests were fastidiously ignored and trying to guide the artifectors was akin to shearing a flock of cats”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Lab: The Perpetual Motion Machine (Part 1))

Inhabitants

Some parts of the House were home to supernatural entities, including:

• Will-o'-wisps; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Courtyard)
• Fairies; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Anteroom)
• Dwarves; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Coat Room)
• Titans; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Coat Room)
• Imps; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: View From a Jungle)
• Goblins; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stairwell, Elevator)
• Lawn gnomes; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Elevator)
• Spirits; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Elevator)
• Demons; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Elevator)
• animated statues who served as “the guards of the Gallery”; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Gallery)
• blue and pink mice in the North West Attic which Mila believed lay eggs in people's ears, though this may just have been paranoia on her part; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The North West Attic)
• the Werepanda who allegedly roamed in the Gardens; (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens)
• the Lady in Mourning, speculated to be a former goddess. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ruined Chapel)

There were also miscellaneous human, or seemingly human, residents, such as Federico Ruiz and the other decadent socialites of his Pleasure Pad, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Pleasure Pad of Federico Ruiz) and more normal individuals like Christopher, Mandy, and their Uncle Jack. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Cellar) There were also visitors to the House who stayed for years, in some cases dying there. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Right Wrong Questions)

Staff

See main article: Household Staff

There existed a Master of the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stationery Room) He had to negotiate with the Goblin King on at least one occasion. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Montresor) There was also a Master of the Fields, the symbolic leader of the people of the rural towns surrounding the Strange and Wonderful House in its native universe. It was this Master's responsibility to lead the Harvest Procession that brought victuals to the House for the winter through the Great South Gate every year on Harvest Day, riding on the lead cart, which was pulled by a team of eight, unblemished black oxen adorned with ribbons.

Prospective members of Household Staff were recruited from the people of the Fields on some Harvest Days, as children aged between six and twelve. If chosen, they would spend their whole lives within the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Great South Gate)

Directly under the authority of the “Masters of the abode” were the battle-ready, all-female Housekeeping corps, who were sworn to clean out every room in the House at least once per year. They were led by a forceful woman. They had an enmity with the Artifectors, eccentric inventors who worked in the Laboratory on devices nominally intended to make the lives of the residents of the House more convenient, although they often did the opposite or else wholly failed to pan out. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Lab, The Lab: The Alarum Goes off, The Lab: Setting The Alarum)

Other staff included the guards keeping watch over the door to the Conservatory from the Guardroom, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Guardroom) the zookeepers patrolling the Zoo, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Zoo) Malthus who watched over the morgue, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Rose Cottage) Montresor the Keeper of the Cellar, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Montresor) the man with the crimson cloak who distributed invitations for the Ball, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ballroom) and the mysterious Sid who once led the Master of the House on a journey through the Gardens. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens, etc.)

Contents

The Courtyard

The Courtyard was an area in front of the wrought gates that properly led into the estate, but which was still part of the House in some sense. It was “fragrant”, and the air was filled with “softly surrsurring willows and languid will-o'-wisps”. It was always night inside the Courtyard, the sky filled with “alien stars”. There were chimes, always ringing softly in the playful wind.

The gates themselves, although they appeared at first glance to be made of glowing golden metal, were actually made of clear tubing within which luminous insects milled about for an indiscernible purpose. The gates could open of their own accord to let in a visitor. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Courtyard)

The Great South Gate

One of the ways into the House was the imposing Great South Gate, which had a portcullis and “vast ebony doors” which opened once a year on Harvest Day to allow in the Harvest Procession bringing the residents of the House victuals for the winter from the surrounding Fields. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Great South Gate)

The Anteroom

The Anteroom appeared to be carved inside the trunk of an impossibly huge tree trunk, the wood of the walls smooth and unbroken. Its floor was tiled in a spiral fractal pattern in black and white, and it was furnished with comfortable sitting chairs, sofas and coffee tables, arranged across the pillar of cold white fire in the centre, into which guests could step to get to other parts of the House. This fire was fueled by fairy dust which fell from the floating chandelier above, whose light did not come from electricity or fire but from a number of small fairies sitting on the chandelier. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Anteroom)

The Pleasure Pad of Federico Ruiz

The Pleasure Pad of Federico Ruiz was a “shimmering” domed community offering every decadent luxury known to man, and then some, to its select group of socialites. The central few domes offered cocktails laced with “a bewildering variety of intoxicants”, sofas with couches embroidered with the silk of mutated spiders, and golden bathing fountains swimming with “minuscule fish”. The furthermost domes were “small jungles of primal lust” housing more lustful forms of entertainment. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Pleasure Pad of Federico Ruiz)

The Illegal Underground Greenhouse

There existed an illegal underground greenhouse. It was because of its existence that the Pleasure Pad was not the best contender for the title of “seedy underbelly of the House”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Pleasure Pad of Federico Ruiz)

The Catamaran Loos of Oceania

One of the House's bathrooms, the Catamaran Loos of Oceania took the form of an oceanic landscape with waves frozen beneath a shining moon, the waters populated by many calamari. The actual bathroom equipment was located on a boat in the middle of this landscape. The Catamaran Loos could be entered through a portal which felt like “a song on your skin”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Catamaran Loos of Oceania)

The Library

The Library was extremely dusty, and its floors creaked in a frightening fashion. It was connected by a portal to the Library of Hawk Manor in one universe. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Library) The Library had a bespoke bathroom, which was, surprisingly enough, completely spotless, but for the forgotten book. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Bathroom (of the Library)) An “elegant and studious woman stroll[ing] with melancholy through a tattered library” was one of the scenes from across the House glimpsed by another visitor through one of the glass panes in the Conservatory. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: View From a Jungle) Directly above the bathroom of the library was the sideways room. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Heebie Jeebies)

The Theater Room

Like many Victorian manors, the House was home to a theater room. Its players were inhuman beings wearing human faces like masks, however, and getting drawn into the performance was hazardous. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Theater Room)

The Coat Room

The House's Coat Room catered to visitors who wished to leave their coats in storage for the duration of their visits. It changed according to the needs of individual visitors, from “warm and cloying” to tall and drafty, with the valets being anything from Dwarves to Titans to match. The area covered by the Coat Room was apparently immense, such that many visitors who insisted on getting their coats back themselves instead of trusting the supernatural valets tended to get lost and wander for weeks or more; “on many occasions bleached bones of owners [were] found mere yards from their coats”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Coat Room)

The Closet in the Sitting Room

In the Sitting Room, there was a Closet. Allegedly like all closets, it was a portal to the magical land of Narnia, but it was designed to test users' faith in this fact because the real doorway was actually the back of the closet, with what appeared to be its back wall acting as the door. Hence, only if they thought to open it despite their initial disappointment, would the would-be travellers realise the Closet really was a portal to Narnia after all. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Closet in the Sitting Room)

Hallway - P13

Served by a lift – not an elevator, just a vertical shaft with a very forceful updraft – the organically-curved Hallway - P13, whose floor glows a soft blue, provided access to the Observatory through an “elegant door of dark wood”. The hallways was included in the original blueprint for the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Hallway - P13)

The Observatory

The Observatory was located at the end of Hallway - P13, behind an “elegant door of dark wood” (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Hallway - P13) locked by a complex mechanism. The room itself was circular, with a dome that looked out into the night sky. Around the room were dozens of monitors built into consoles with buttons, keyboards, levers and toggles. In the middle sat a “technologically-advanced ”recliner chair with joysticks on both armrests and a helmet on the seat, from which a user could control the House's defensive lasers. According to its A.I. guardian Ana, the purpose of the Observatory was principally to observe “both space and time”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Observatory)

The Men's Restroom

The House had a men's restroom, where gravity was abnormal, such that one could stand upside-down on the ceiling to do one's business in urinals that were the right way around. Rennik visited it during the party in the 3rd floor basement. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Every House Needs One)

3rd floor basement

The House had a “3rd floor basement”. Rennik once attended a large party that took placed there “last Thursday” relative to the timeframe of the men's room when he visited the latter. Another man at the restroom who asked about the party briefly got the 3rd floor basement confused for the 2nd floor attic by the tennis courts. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Every House Needs One) A “quiet gathering”, “swaying to unheard music in a roughly finished basement” was one of the scenes from across the House glimpsed by another visitor through one of the glass panes in the Conservatory. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: View From a Jungle)

2nd floor attic

A man at the restroom whom Rennik was telling about a party he attended on the 3rd floor basement once got it confused for the 2nd floor attic, with which Rennik was also familiar. It was apparently located “by the tennis courts”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Every House Needs One)

Tennis courts

A man at the restroom whom Rennik was telling about a party he attended on the 3rd floor basement once got it confused for the 2nd floor attic, with which Rennik was also familiar. It was apparently located “by the tennis courts”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Every House Needs One)

The Dining Room

The Dining Room changed based on the observer, with even two people sitting side by side, drinking together, not necessarily perceiving the room the same way. It could appear as anything from “the viking halls of Valhalla” to something more personal like “the nightclub where you had your first kiss”. Even the food and drinks could change — “while you drink your microbrew and have your salt and vinegar crisps, your friend may quaff mead and eat suckling pig”. However, the room's magical effects seemed to also prevent people from caring about all this. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Dining Room)

The Guardroom

The Guardroom was a room staffed with a number of armed guards who kept watch over the locked door to the Conservatory. The guards were always heavily-armed, and there were “rows upon rows of additional weapons mounted upon the walls, all within easy reach”. It was apparently the only way into the Conservatory. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Guardroom)

The Conservatory

The Conservatory was one of multiple greenhouses within the House. It was large and highly dangerous, the only door being locked and watched over by the guards in the Guardroom. Visitors were permitted, but only if they outfitted themselves properly and agreed not to stray off the path, and not to touch any of the plants, or the glass within which some were held. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Conservatory)

The garden was actually a version of the Garden. It was “a beautiful place where plant life of every kind imaginable and some you had never heard of grows together, seeming somehow both wild and ordered”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Back to the Garden) It was entirely indoors, but strewn about with panes of glass, most of which allowed direct sunlight of unknown provenance to stream through. Other panels were windows into other parts of the Strange and Wonderful House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: View From a Jungle) The “Gardener” of this Conservatory was an infamous mad angel who tried to kill all who entered. He appeared as a wizened old man with a machete to the naked eye, but his reflections revealed his true form as a many-winged creature wielding a flaming sword. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Back to the Garden)

The backdoor of the Conservatory led out of the House and onto a path passing between the Dark Wood and the Tarn, leading to the Ruined Chapel. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ruined Chapel)

The Stairwell

The Staircase was a spiral staircase starting near the front door and going upwards. These stairs, built when the President of Zimbabwe complained about the lack of stairs and opened on “the first day of Spring”, passed through “an infinite number of portals, spanning the width and depth of the house”. The supports were in the shape of animal limbs, and each stone step represented a ley line. Every four steps was a doorway. The doors went up to the front door of the Attic, but they also went beyond it — and at the very top, there was a golden gate surrounded by “dry ice tended to by the very highest of the goblins”. It was kept permanently closed, and a sign hanging from the padlock stated: “If you have made it here, then you only deserve to fall, for a life wasted is not a life lived in Good.”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stairwell)

The Attic

The door to “the Attic” could be reached from the Stairwell, but, counterintuitively, was not the pinnacle thereof. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stairwell)

The Throne Room

The Throne Room contained fifty thrones, all of them different. Whenever someone sat in their bespoke throne, it would take the place of the head throne, and the occupant would be called upon to judge some accused criminal. Their arm rest had a white button to let them go and a red button to open a trap-door beneath them that transported them to Pandemonium. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Throne Room)

The Jenny Everywhere Museum

The Jenny Everywhere Museum was a wing of the House that was set aside for Jenny Everywhere by the Architect itself to use as a museum for herselves and her friends – and, in practice, as a storeroom for random junk she acquired while wandering the universes. “Known contents” were said to include:

• Statues of friends, companions and family of Jenny from throughout the worlds.
• Three perpetual motion machines.
• A copy of the Voynich Manuscript, annotated in “a completely different alien language from the manuscript itself”.
• A miniature city preserved from “a dead world”.
• A key to the gate of Eromreven.
• A battlesuit from the Third War of Ascension on Earth-33.
• A portrait of Jenny painted by Leonardo Da Vinci in the 19th century on Earth-274, where Da Vinci became a vampire.
• A floating pirate ship.
• A “maze of twisty little passages, all alike”.
• A zoo with various endangered species including unicorns, vegetable lambs and giant balloon animals.
• A lock of red hair.
• The skull of an Elder God.
• An item marked simply as [REDACTED].
• “A bottle filled with a miniature universe” containing the story of Kal-el”
• A computer linked to “our” universe's Internet, allowing her to set up her own website, ficly.com.

The Museum could only be entered by versions of Jenny or those she specifically invited. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Jenny Everywhere Museum, The Jenny Everywhere Museum (cont'd))

The Dark Wood

The Dark Wood was located behind the House. The backdoor of the Conservatory led out of the House and onto a path passing between the Dark Wood and the Tarn, leading to the Ruined Chapel. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ruined Chapel)

The Tarn

The Tarn was located behind the House. The backdoor of the Conservatory led out of the House and onto a path passing between the Dark Wood and the Tarn, leading to the Ruined Chapel. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ruined Chapel) The wandering mendicant who spent his final years near the Chapel drew “a meager sustenance of wild root and clear water” from the tarn. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Right Wrong Questions) One legend about the origins of the House claimed that the “curse” of the Tarn originated when the Architect drowned himself in it after being spurned by the woman he loved, but serious historians of the House believed that this was nonsense and the Tarn and its curse predated the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Painting)

The Ruined Chapel

The Ruined Chapel, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ruined Chapel) or “the narthex”, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Right Wrong Questions) was located outside the House proper, at the end of a path leading out from the back door of the Conservatory. It was in a Gothic style, but the altar bore a statue of a woman with her head and hands broken off, apparently an ancient, pagan goddess. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ruined Chapel) The ceiling was broken, with the sky visible from within. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Right Wrong Questions) The Chapel was the dwelling place of an entity known as the Lady in Mourning, speculated by some to be what remained of the selfsame goddess. To a visitor who distracted her from her despair via something like a story or a song, she was known answer any question, except for her name. The altar was surrounded by ashes that were all that was left of visitors who had looked upon her unveiled face — for every night, at midnight, she lifted it up to cry out “Woe unto they who once stood on high! Their temples are in ruins and their names are forgotten.”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ruined Chapel) Eventually, the Lady left, taking the statue and the aura of melancholy with her. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Right Wrong Questions)

The Master Bedroom

The Master Bedroom was the bedroom of the Master of the House. In an exception from the usual anarchic fluidity of the positions of rooms within the House, the Stationery Room was always located at the midway point between the Master Bedroom and the Gatehouse. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stationery Room)

The Gatehouse

In an exception from the usual anarchic fluidity of the positions of rooms within the House, the Stationery Room was always located at the midway point between the Master Bedroom and the Gatehouse. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stationery Room)

The Stationery Room

The Stationery Room, where all official letters from the House were written, was also known as the Stationary Room, referring to its constant position as the midway point between the Master Bedroom and the Gatehouse. However, as pointed out in the Athenaeum's records, it was also a Room of Stationery. The Room was “somewhat small”, with a single desk sitting in the center, facing the door. At its back was a window covered by heavy curtains, and all the walls were covered in bookshelves and, in one corner, a large cabinet. The desk contained an infinite supply of “papers, envelopes, inks, pens and waxes”. Entry into the Stationery Room was restricted to the Master of the House and those he allowed to use it. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stationery Room)

The west garden

The west garden of the House was possibly inhabited by lawn gnomes. At any rate, the gnomes undertook the repair of the Great Glass Elevator after it crashed in the west garden. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Elevator)

The 7th floor

When the Strange and Wonderful House began acting up out of excitement about its impending acquisition of an Elevator, a “continuous seance” had to be held by the residents on the 7th floor so as “to keep spirits and demons out of closets and cupboards”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Elevator)

The Great Glass Elevator

The Great Glass Elevator was incorporated into the House after crash-landing in the west garden. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Elevator)

The Gallery

The Gallery could be entered through ornate wooden doors beneath “the stained glass window showing the birds from which the Seven Noble Houses take their names”. It contained works of art from various styles, time periods and universes, presented in no particular order — including “photographs of poor children in a city that is almost but not quite Victorian London”, “pages from a medieval manuscript portraying impossible beasts”, “a Cubist painting showing the depths of Hell”, and “a painting Van Gogh never made in this world”. The “armed statues in every style imaginable” which adorned the hallways, on the other hand, were not part of the exhibit: they were, instead, “the guards of the Gallery”, who “[brought] swift death to any who attempt[ed] to steal from it”. Deep in the Gallery, any visitor could find a room with paintings depicting key moments of their own life, including a painting of their own death at the far end of the room. “Few [had] the courage to venture this far.” (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Gallery) The most famous work of art in the Gallery was the Painting. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Painting)

The morgue

The morgue, also euphemistically known as “the Rose Cottage”, was a large, cold room containing many slabs. It was kept at two degrees Celsius by its overseer, a mysterious individual going by Malthus. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Rose Cottage)

The Cellar

The Cellar was dark and musty. It was home to giant rats, and was used to keep collections of very special wine bottles containing distilled memories, at the disposal of the Master of the House. It was guarded by Montresor, the Keeper of the Cellar, who exercised a degree of control over the giant rats. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Cellar, Montresor, The First Step)

Father Time's attic

One attic was apparently the province of Father Time, who could age objects at an accelerated rate upon request, at least if it was for the Master of the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Montresor)

The Mud Room

The Mud Room was a room whose interior replicated a rainy, muddy public park. At some point, an insane serial killer with a predilection for stalking young women in such conditions was transported to the Mud Room. They didn't realise that they were no longer in the real world, though they were confused as to why they hadn't been caught yet after accumulating years' worth of “stupid mistakes” in their murders of visitors who stumbled into the Mud Room. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Mud Room)

The Airing Cupboard

The Airing Cupboard was located on the fourth floor down the east wing, and apparently held a terrible secret. It ceased to be used as an actual airing cupboard in the Victorian era, when a parlour maid “discovered its true nature”, which prompted “the Master of the House at that time” to conceal the entrance by placing a life-sized portrait of his mistress over it. Reportedly, his wife was so outraged she left the House forever, moving to the continent, only to die of jealousy “a mere fortnight after”.

Eventually, the door was uncovered once again as part of the preparations for “the coming of the elevator”. The first visitor to take notice of the door pulled it open only to be greeted with “the unexpected scents of lavender and lye soap laid over a base tang of copper”. A mysterious figure wearing a “peculiar” Victorian nightdress, seated in a corner, greeted the visitor with “Darling! You've been so long!”, and closes its arms tightly around him, locking him into place. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Our Strange and Wonderful House (novel)#Chapter 26: The Airing Cupboard)

The fourth floor

The Airing Cupboard was located on “the fourth floor down the east wing”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Airing Cupboard)

The east wing

The Airing Cupboard was located on “the fourth floor down the east wing”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Airing Cupboard)

The Kitchen

The Laboratory was located “dangerously close” to the Kitchen. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Kitchen)

The Laboratory

The Laboratory, or simply “the Lab”, was located “dangerously close” to the Kitchen. It started out as a mere cupboard, but one of the Artifectors' first invention was the space expanders which turned the interior into a much larger working space. The Artifectors worked there daily on various mad-science projects, intended to make the lives of the House's residents either more or less convenient, depending on the Artiefactors' mood. There was “a little corner dedicated to non-mad science”, but it saw very little use. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Kitchen) The whole room was very dusty due to the Artifectors violently resisting attempts by Housekeeping to clean it out yearly, for fear that they would move their experiments around and disturb their habits. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Lab: Setting The Alarum) It had at least one window (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Lab: The Perpetual Motion Machine (Part 1)) and was located down the same hallway as the sideways room. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Heebie Jeebies)

Inventions stored in the Laboratory included various time-travel devices, “a prototype for an innovative bee-based mode of transport”, equipment for measuring “luck, rubber band elasticity and sense of humour”, unfinished blueprints for an anti-procrastination device, a Shiny Object Locator which had quickly been misplaced, and various thinking caps, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Kitchen) as well as the Alarum, a short-range time machine resembling a wooden cabinet, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Lab: Setting The Alarum) and a Perpetual Motion Machine connected to an otherwise-useless tower surrounded by a lightning storm. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Lab: The Perpetual Motion Machine (Part 1), The Lab: The Perpetual Motion Machine (Part 2))

The sideways room

The sideways room was a room located directly above the bathroom of the Library. As its name implied, gravity was sideways, there. The Hares In Charge of All Vegetation were meeting in the sideways room when Elshanor passed through on her way out of the Library, having lifted up a ceiling tile from the bathroom and climbed up. She curtsied apologetically to them as she slid down the “vertical” floor, and carefully avoided using their bespoke, rabbit-hole-shaped exit, instead aiming for the plain wooden door. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Heebie Jeebies)

The Veranda

The Veranda was a very pleasant room, used as a kind of kitchen, and storing a number of jam jars and other preserves, contianing “swimming pears, apricots, plums, applesauces, cherries, peaches, gooseberry preserves, watermelon rinds, pickled vegetables, tomato sauce, mincemeat and blackberry jelly”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: A Veranda With A View)

The Zoo

The Zoo was actually a huge, open preserve, patrolled in jeeps by the zookeepers. Despite being inside the House, it had a horizon and even a sun and clouds. Its denizens included various supernatural or “imaginary” creatures, such as Snarks, Boojums, Cthonians and Grues. As such, being an avid reader of fantasy novels was a requirement for working at the Zoo. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Zoo)

The North West Attic

The North West Attic, which could be reached via a dusty stairway contained large amounts of miscellaneous bric-à-brac including objects covered with sheets, a mannequin with six blue numbers scrawled onto its left arm which “stood, head down, defeated”, and, above the latter, a “majestic” coat of arms for “something called the League”. When they visited the Attic, Oggie, Mila and a third searcher crossed paths with a group of blue mice, led by a larger, pink one. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The North West Attic)

The Foyer

The Foyer was furnished with a bench for taking off one's shoes as well as an utterly enormous coatrack. Events within it seemed control by a Fourier transform, such that a single pattern endlessly looped, switching out visitors over time. A visitor would come in, find someone else hiding behind the coat rack who stated that they only knew the first line and conclusion, had never gotten in, were on their way out, and needed to know how to come in. Once pointed to the door, the visitor would leave for a few seconds, knock, and ask: “May I come in?”. Participants in this strange ritual included Six, Seven, Eight, Luda, and at least one more woman. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Foyer, Foyer Infinity, Our Strange and Wonderful House (novel)#Appendix 32-II: Reiterate the Foyer)

The Ballroom

The Ballroom was a “beautiful and elegant place”, lit by globes of light floating through the air, which eerie music coming from a distance and musicians nowhere in sight. Every month, a man with a crimson cloak would go through the House and invitations to everyone in the House he encounters: “rich and poor, natives and visitors, human and otherwise”. From a a storage room near the Ballroom, guests were invited to freely choose a mask, such as “a knight, a gentleman, a harlequin, a monster”, or indeed, if one was already a monster, “an ordinary human being”. However, those who lingered too long in the Ballroom started to take on qualities of their chosen mask, until they lost their original identity altogether. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ballroom)

The storage room

People invited to the Ballroom were invited to choose a mask from the wide selection available in a “nearby storage room”. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Ballroom)

The Sun Room

The Sun Room was located close to an exit through which one could visit the Tree House, the Southern Veranda, or simply the Gardens. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens)

The Tree House

On the way from the Sun Room to the Gardens, one would pass signs giving direction towards the Tree House and the Southern Veranda. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens)

The Southern Veranda

On the way from the Sun Room to the Gardens, one would pass signs giving direction towards the Tree House and the Southern Veranda. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens (Part 1))

The Gardens

The Gardens were large and mysterious. A sign at one of their entrances warned that they were “the domain of the Werepanda”. They were tended to by an old man. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens (Part 1))

It contained anything from bushes to “great trees”, and somewhere within its depth was the Bodhi Tree. There was a shortcut to the Warrens through the Gardens, which was often used by certain parkour enthusiasts. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens (Part 2)) Generally speaking, the orchards and vegetable gardens were “nearest to the House”, but “a determined person could appear anywhere in the garden if they so desired”. Notable subdivisions of the Gardens included the Topiary Veranda and a hedge maze designed by I. T. Haze. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 1))

The Warrens

The Warrens were full of “tight spaces”, and were thus favourite haunt of certain white-furred parkour enthusiasts who often cut through the Gardens at high speed to get to the Warrens faster. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens (Part 2))

The Dojo

The Dojo was “thought up” and added to the House at some point after the House-dweller's tour of the Gardens with the strange guide. Because time was fluid in the House, the guide already knew about the Dojo's future existence, and, momentarily forgetting that the other man didn't, expressed confusion that he had thought relief in the Gardens rather than the Dojo. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens (Part 2))

The Topiary Veranda

The Topiary Veranda was located within the Gardens. It took the form of a small open space with a few wrought-iron tables and a dozen matching chairs, surrounded on three sides by bushes shaped into “dragons, unicorns, and less immediately identifiable things”. A blue-and-white checkered-tile path led from the normal path through the Gardens to this area. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 1))

The hedge maze

Designed by I. T. Haze, the “legendary” hedge maze, located within the Gardens, was unique and ever-changing. Its walls of foliage were about five feet tall. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 1))

History

Origins

One account suggested that the Strange and Wonderful House's peculiarities stemmed from the fact that it had been built on land that was once part of Faerie, using wood harvested there, such that “something of Faerie” had always lingered within it. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 2: Accursed Springs))

At some point, an individual prepared an empty blueprint marked with infinite dimensions and gathered other creative minds to help create rooms for the “strange and wonderful house” they intended to build. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Welcome!) The blueprint was progressively filled out. Hallway - P13 was included on the blueprints as “H-P13”, and one of the people with access to the blueprints took to calling it the “Pie” hallway. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Hallway - P13) The Architect personally gave Jenny Everywhere a wing all to herself, which became the Jenny Everywhere Museum. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Jenny Everywhere Museum)

Some of the House's inhabitants perceived it as a “work of fiction” they had created as “writers”, which had somehow become real. This included the “modern” Master of the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 2: Accursed Springs), The Will of the Creator) However, Sid argued that this was a limiting perspective and the writers had not really created the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 2: Accursed Springs))

Early history

One theory about the identity of the woman depicted in the Painting with her head turned towards a distant sunset over the sea, wearing a blue dress, was that she was once a woman beloved by the Architect. After she scorned his love, he drowned himself in the Tarn, cursing it. However, most House historians believed this to be a fanciful legend, and that the curse of the Tarn predated the House. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Painting)

The hedge maze in the Gardens was designed by I. T. Haze, a legendary hedge-maze gardener of supernatural ability. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 1))

Victorian era

A century before the “coming of the elevator”, the Master of the House “at that time” kept a mistress. After a parlour maid discovered the true nature of the Airing Cupboard, he installed a life-sized portrait of her over the door. This outraged the Master of the House's wife, and it was later said that she instantly moved back to the continent, where she died of jealously soon after. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Airing Cupboard)

The Perpetual Motion Machine

The Artifectors of the Laboratory once tasked themselves with creating a Perpetual Motion Machine as a dare. The first prototype seemed functional, but exploded in the face of lead Artifector Agrontus when he tried to solemnly switch it on, leading to the appointment of Gravitcher, whose first duty as a new leader was to preside over the cremation of what few remains of Agrontus could be gathered. However, now being confident that the idea could work in theory, the Artifectors continued studying various ways to implement it without blowing themselves up like Agrontus, such as running a network of wires around the House, “the first time in many years that any of them had seen any part of the House except for their own exclusive corner of it”, and creating a number of devices intended to siphon power from the House's network, one of which was later repurposed into a tea kettle. Eventually, they made it work at the cost of having to create a whole new tower and a permanent lightning storm. The machine had no other function than to go “ping-whoomp” every eight minutes, but was wisely left alone. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Lab: The Perpetual Motion Machine (Part 1), The Lab: The Perpetual Motion Machine (Part 2))

Visitors

The President of Zimbabwe once visited the House and complained of the lack of stairs. This led to the creation of the Stairwell. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Stairwell)

A visitor whose brother had had access to the blueprints once made their way through the House. They passed through Hallway - P13 and knocked on the door to the Observatory. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Hallway - P13) The visitor entered the Observatory and was greeted by the A.I. Ana, who explained the Observatory's function to them. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Observatory)

A party was once held in the 3rd floor basement, attended by Rennik. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Every House Needs One)

At some point, an old wandering mendicant dressed in dusty, tattered clothing, came to the Ruined Chapel at the end of a long journey. He faced the Lady of Mourning without fear and entertained her with an endless array of melancholy songs, asking, in-between each song, if a given name was hers. Every night at midnight, while the Lady removed her veil, the mendicant left the Chapel to gather food and drink from the Tarn, before returning to resume his singing and questioning. He died happy after years spent in this routine, one more question on his lips. His passing affected the Lady to the degree that she broke her own ancient routine: the following night, at midnight, instead of crying out “Woe unto they who once stood on high! Their temples are in ruins and their names are forgotten.” as she always did, she turned her head towards the stars and sang a song of “hope and dreams” before departing the Chapel for good, with the statue also being gone the next morning, alongside the Chapel's aura of melancholy. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Right Wrong Questions)

On one occasion, an incarnation of Jenny Everywhere ran into the Strange and Wonderful House while chased by Jenny Nowhere. She tried to hide in a dark room, but was found by Nowhere; however, Everywhere picked up a lamp and clobbered Nowhere on the head with it before making her escape. (PROSE: Jenny Everywhere and the Nowhere Spiral)

Elshanor's journey

Lady Elshanor was the librarian of Hawk Manor in one universe. After an extended absence from Hawk Manor when she found herself staying at the Institution, she returned to find the Manor dusty and abandoned. Making her way to the Manor's Library, she found a portal (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Library) into the Library of the Strange and Wonderful House|House. There, she observed that it was as dusty as her own Library, but that the bathroom collected to the Library was, absurdly, completely clean by contrast. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Bathroom (of the Library)) An “elegant and studious woman” strolling “with melancholy” through “a tattered library” was one of the scenes from across the House glimpsed by another visitor through one of the glass panes in the Conservatory. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: View From a Jungle)

While she was debating replacing a book — Les Misérables — which had been neglectfully left in the bathroom in question, she heard a creaking noise behind her, signaling the presence of someone or something else in the Library. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Bathroom (of the Library)) She hid out in the bathroom until she received an SOS from the Artifectors in the Laboratory. She lifted up a ceiling tile and hoisted herself up to the floor above the Library and bathroom, finding herself in the sideways room. There, doing her best not to anger the Hares In Charge of All Vegetation who were having a meeting, she slid down to the plain wooden door — avoiding the rabbit hole — and ended up in the hallway, where she met the Housekeeping party who were trying to forcibly clean the Lab. She convinced them to leave the Artifectors alone for now and clean the Library instead. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Heebie Jeebies)

Making her way through multiple portals, Elshanor eventually ended up in the Throne Room, where she was drawn to one of the fifty thrones, a silver-set throne padded with royal-blue velvet. When she sat down, a disembodied voice called on her to act as judge on a criminal of the House, a man accused of stealing from the Fountain of Youth. After looking into his eyes, she judged him guilty, pressing the red button on her arm-rest instead of the white. This caused a trapdoor to open under the man, casting him into Pandemonium. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Throne Room)

Back in Hawk Manor, one of Elshanor's associates, Alastair, also returning to the House and who was bemoaning her apparent absence, witnessed a version of Elshanor stepping out of the same portal and back into Hawk Manor. However, after his initial surprise, he realised that this Elshanor was not quite the Elshanor he knew. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Other Side)

The Coming of the Elevator

One day, the Great Glass Elevator crashed into the west garden. This was interpreted by hopeful residents as it being “donated” to the House, and the lawn gnomes began work on repairing it and integrating it into the House, much to the excitement of the House itself. “Buzzing with excitement and creaking with worry, lurching, stretching, and then settling”, the House's excited mood was noticed by the residents, who were forced to hold a “continuous seance” on the 7th floor in order to “keep spirits and demons out of closets and cupboards”. However, the goblins of the Stairwell were less keen on the project, (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Elevator) and the Master of the House had to undertake negotiations with the Goblin King. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Montresor)

Young human residents Christopher and Mandy once snuck into the Cellar. There, they accidentally broke a bottle (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Cellar) which the Master of the House had requested so that it could be served during the upcoming negotiations between himself and the Goblin King. Distressed, Montresor ordered them to create a new bottle by convincing a legendary pirate to give up some of his memories, and then artificially aging the bottle in Father Time's attic. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Montresor) To allow them to do such a thing, he let Chris drink from a bottle full of a wizard's memories, flooding his mind with knowledge of magic. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The First Step)

The Elevator's appearance caused alterations to several halls. As a result, the door to the Airing Cupboard, which had been sealed for a hundred years, was rediscovered. The first man to notice the strange door was a visitor, who enter the Cupboard only to be confronted with a ghostly figure in a “peculiar” Victorian nightdress who referred to him as “darling”, told him off for having been “so long”, and pulled him into a deadly embrace. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Airing Cupboard)

The searchers

A small group including Mila, Oggie and a third searcher once went up to the North West Attic in search of something, a matter that is apparently of some urgency. They come across a group of blue mice led by a large pink one, as well as many strange objects, but despite Mila's apprehension, the three continued searching, and decided to split up. With Mila continuing to be reluctant, the third searcher grabbed her by the hand and actively pulled her along to search one of the dark corners. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The North West Attic)

The Master in the Gardens

In a bad mood after an argument, the Master of the House (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Will of the Creator) stomped out of the House proper through the Sun Room. Ignoring the signs pointing to the Tree House and the Southern Veranda, he made his way to the Gardens, where a sign warning visitors to be careful of the Werepanda only needled him further. After entering, he was confronted by a strange man (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens (Part 1)) who offered to take him on a tour of the Gardens, enticing him to accept with the possibility of “tea in the shade of the Bodhi Tree” at the end of the tour. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: Into the Gardens (Part 2)) The old man, who introduced himself as Sid, walked quickly, chattering happily to his charge about what they saw on the way and what else they might see yet, from the orchards and vegetable garden to the Topiary Veranda and we I. T. Haze's hedge maze. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Secrets of Our Gardens (Part 1))