Frank the Janitor

Frank the Janitor was part of the Household Staff of the Strange and Wonderful House.

On one occasion, needing something from the Vault, Frank implemented the rather complex series of steps needed to access it: climbing “the sound of chimes in the Courtyard to pluck a leaf from the Bodhi Tree”, collecting a certificate of sanity from the “non-mad-science corner” of the Lab, plucking a certain key from underneath the 32nd seashell in the Painting, consuming the leaf, handing the certificate to the personification of February to gain entry into the hallway to nowhere, “turning left at Thursday”, and then chucking the key into “a vase on the ceiling above the painting of infinite sparrow hawks”. The door of the Vault duly unlocked; in the centre of the oppressive room stood the wooden plinth. However, after crossing the final defence, a stream, in the proper manner (jumping twice on his right foot and then landing on his left across the stream), he found a note on the plinth instead of the item he desired.

The note read “My apologies, I had to borrow the vacuum to clear up the mess made by the gardener in the North West attic under the reverse Koi pond next Saturday”. To his annoyance, it was signed “Frank the Janitor”, and Frank realised that he had taken a wrong temporal turn at Thursday (he was actually meant to turn right instead of left), ending up after he himself already borrowed the vacuum and thus creating a minor paradox. Grumpily, he set about getting out of the Vault and retracing his steps. He recalled the rhyme telling him which of the opaque windows making up the walls of the Vault serves as an exit: “Seven laps clockwise from the north, six counter from your new location, now keep stepping left and enter the fourth”, and implemented its direction, closing his eyes as he stepped backwards into a window, hoping he had the right one. (PROSE: Our Strange and Wonderful House: The Vault, The Note)